Sunday, May 23, 2010

Baby Steps.

It has been exactly 11 weeks and 3 days since I first mentioned the weight loss journey that I have started.

Eleven weeks and three days. Wow. I had no idea how much time had passed. It's a little surreal to take note of the time that has passed since I made a decision to change everything I knew about living a healthy lifestyle. Everything.

So, quickly, here's an update. I have lost 22 lbs. I ran (for the most part) 2 miles a few days ago. I feel great. I can see noticeable changes in my body. I'm strong and love ab workouts (I'm sorry, who is this person?). I'm doing the Shred Level 3 and am kicking it. And I'm very pleased with the progress that I've made.

I'm having success in some areas. My trainer, Beth, who I adore. ADORE. - She is the real deal and has become such a dear friend and mentor - stepped up my workouts yesterday. There was NO WAY I could've done 1/4 of what she had me do the first day I worked out with her. I'm wearing clothes that I haven't worn in a while. I wore a sleeveless dress today. Whattheheck? (Still not quite sure I'm ready for the sleeveless, but it was HOT outside and I was at the ballpark and a pool party blah blah blah...). I'm sleeping well and have more energy now. I'm eating fish (I hated fish). I still refuse to eat cottage cheese (wink, Beth). I guess some things never change. :)

But.

I'm struggling in some areas. Mostly food related. As I said in my previous post, I prayed for a while for the Lord to take away some certain cravings that have hindered any sort of weight loss or living healthy for years. And He did. They are gone. I'm still amazed by the grace that He pours out on little ole me every single day. The craziest part of my struggles with food lately have been the fact that I'm not eating enough. I can't seem to get my calories up. And, according to Beth, my body will soon begin to think it's starving and I'll quit losing weight. HELLO, that's SO not what I want.

So here are my thoughts on this... (FYI, this is some personal stuff, people. This is HARD to write in a public arena. But I honestly feel that transparency is my best ally right now. I'm sick of hiding. I'm sick of pretending that I'm ok when I'm living in a not-quite-as-jacked-up 7Eleven. I'm straight up sick of it. I will never ever get better if I bury my head in the sand and pretend that none of this exists - like I have done for waaayyy too many years.) I believe with all my heart that I'm finally getting a grasp on this food "addiction" that I had/have. However, there's some MAJOR FEAR associated with conquering something that has been such a stronghold on my life for so long. I'm scared of eating too much, so I eat too little. My fear of going back to who I was (in reality, in some ways still am), is causing me to overcompensate and not eat enough. I want this lifestyle that I have adopted to last forever. And I know that if I don't figure it all out, I'll go back to old me. This is where the baby step aspect of this whole thing makes me want to pull my hair out. I want major results NOW. I want to lose an insane amount of weight just like The Biggest Loser. I want it all to move so much quicker! This is the area that makes Beth want to take one of those dumbbells that she constantly puts in my hands and hit me over the head with it. She can see the end result so much clearer than I can. She has more faith in me than I do.

The years of self doubt and self sabotage are staring me in the face and are challenging me to a duel. Who will win?

Good thing I'm competitive. Good thing I have a God who WILL NOT fail me. Good thing His word says that He will complete a work in me. Good thing that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. Praise Him.

I will win this battle. Then I will win the war - 7 jillion baby steps from now (grrr.). I will go through struggles and frustrations (like now) but I will see this thing to the end. I. Will.

Thank you for journeying with me. You have NO IDEA what you mean to me.

Love you all -

17 comments:

Kelli said...

Wow Robyn... that is SO inspirational!! I can't wait to see how great you look in July. Keep it up girl! I'm so proud of you!!!!

Kelli said...

Wow Robyn... that is SO inspirational!! I can't wait to see how great you look in July. Keep it up girl! I'm so proud of you!!!!

Let'sMakeADifference said...

YES, you WILL win! One minute at a time...because one day at a time is too long!!!Congrats on your new life style and your positive attitude and confessions!! I am so happy for you and will be praying for you!

Mocha with Linda said...

Wow - great job! And I know you feel like it's baby steps, but 22 pounds in 11 weeks is fantastic!

bee4real said...

I am so proud of you! Taking charge of yourself is huge! Making good choices then the courage to follow thru. YAY for you!!! Sure there are gonna be challanges, that is what show us that we are making great strides. Each thing we overcome makes us stronger.

I was exactly where you are. I was struggling with fave foods and eating out. The excercise gave methe strength to overcome many (not all) food issues. I allowed myself a "free for all" Meal on the weekend with my family. That helped. (26lbs in 2 months)

Then illness sneaked in and I have been out of wack since then. (almost 9 months) I have gotten so weak that I haven't the strength to walk much less exercise. I want to baby step my way back into it. Funny I have been saying that for 3 months...I feel so sad.

You know how good you can feel by making the better choices. Live on that. Remember how you feel when the good choice is bypassed.

You can do it!!!

Sherry

connorcolesmom said...

Robyn,
I am so proud of you!!
Way to go! I love how God provides what we need when we need it :)
You truly are an inspiration!
Much love

Aimee said...

Congratulations on the 22 lbs. you've lost! Congratulations on all the things you CAN do now! Be proud of yourself!

I'm going to share something that one our leaders at Weight Watchers told us: You have to eat to lose weight.

It doesn't make sense, but it's true. If you cut too much out, your body will think you're starving and you won't lose weight. You are expending so much more energy that you need to "fuel up" your body.

I, too, struggle in this area.... every single thing you've talked about. For the past 2 years, I've believed the lie that I'm not worth it to lose weight. I've done the self-sabotage thing, too. So, you're not alone in that.

You're not alone in any of it. God is right there with you and all your friends and family are right beside you. Go for the gold! Finish the race.... :-)

Tickled Pink Talk said...

i am very inspired by what you have accomplished. I am off to the gym tomorrow for day 2 of a couch to 5K program. I sure had a heck of a time getting past the couch part :) Keep updating us and keep up the good work. Your 22lb weight loss is fantastic! Way to go!
Gabi

AbbyLane said...

you KNOW i get this. and you.

PAS for life. xo

Rhonda said...

Good for you. On all of it. I can relate...ohhh how I can. You are an encouragememnt!

christina-defining moments said...

That is AMAZING! Great job and thanks for the inspiration!

Fran said...

I love you friend. I'm so very proud of you. SO VERY PROUD. One day at a time. That's true for all of us.

Big hugs,
Fran

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

I'm so proud of you Robyn..SO Proud! I understand the huge swing between chewing the legs off the tables or barely eating enough to survive. It's a hard balance to find, but you will - I'm confident. At it's root, the whole journey to health is so very spiritual for all of us regardless of weight. It's about self-denial of the junk in order to hold out for what really satisfies. So worth it. I love you my friend!

Kim said...

Thank you for the encouragement. I have been battling the same pounds for years. I appreciate all you had to say. May God continue to be your strength.

Trista said...

Congrats Robyn!!

I recently joined (after seeing it ALL.THE.TIME on Twitter) the #mamavation moms.

They are currently running a campaign for new moms to go through their 7 week training session. You get a diet and excersise plan, workout equip, etc and all you have to do is blog about it, etc.

Even if you dont' want to do that, you should look them up on Twitter and on their websites www.bookieboo.com and www.mamavation.com.

Kelli said...

Thanks for sharing your journey Robin! Such an inspiration to me since my third girl just turned 4 and I guess I can no longer blame my extra 10 pounds on her! Truly encouraging as I"m working on weight loss too!

Chantelle said...

I hear ya 100%!!!!!! Please share more about your weight loss stuff. I'm new to your blog and recently began blogging about my own desperate need to lose a ton of weight. - Love your transparency!