I've been blogging now for over a year. The world of Bloggyville is an interesting community - full of joys, sorrows, amazing new friendships, and a glimpse into total strangers' lives. Before I was a blogger, I lived my happy little life in my happy little house with my happy little family. Recently, as my blog is growing a little bit and as I'm meeting new people online (especially through Twitter), I am hearing more and more stories about parents who have sick kids. These stories are heart wrenching, inspiring, and leave me in awe of the people who are living them. Some kids have been sick and have gotten well, like Harper. Some kids have been sick and are now with The Father in heaven, like Audrey Caroline and Cora. Some kids are still fighting. A lot of kids are still fighting.
One thing that I've noticed that seems to be a common denominator amongst these families is their faith. They have a trust in Jesus that exceeds comprehension in a lot of ways. Their babies are fighting for, and sometimes losing, their lives.
And I can't help but think of my 3 year old daughter, Tait. Tait has Beckwith-Wiedemann Syndrome, which I blogged about here. Because BWS puts her at an increased risk for certain abdominal cancers, she is tested for these cancers every 3 months. I take my little girl to a hospital where they draw her blood and do an abdominal ultrasound on her. They check levels and look for masses.
And it scares me to death every single time we go. Because having your baby tested for cancer is hard. HARD.
And the more we go through this, the more I am reminded of something Beth Moore talks about a lot. Fear. She says that when the enemy finds out what your fear is, he will threaten you with it. My fear is that something will happen to Spencer or one of the girls. That fear has been heightened lately and I'm not sure why. Seriously, is there a mom who doesn't fear that something bad will happen to their family? I have to make a choice to trust HIM for her safety. I know that my God is good and that He is faithful. He has carried people through having a sick child and has carried people through the loss of a child. He will carry us through her tests.
Even though I say that and honestly believe it in my heart, the fear of the possibility that one of those tests could come back bad is sometimes overwhelming. Trusting Him even with the very life of your child isn't easy. As a mom, I want to know with all certainty that she will live till she's 100. I pray every single morning for a faith and a trust that I see in Cora's parents. And Audrey's parents. And Harper's parents.
Then I received an email this week from the nurse that schedules Tait's testing. Because she will be 4 in July, she only has to have her blood work done one more time. May 4, 2009. This date marks a milestone in a BWS kid's life.
I saw this date as a sign from above. I felt like God was reassuring me that He is in control. He knows her name. He loves her. He has her in the palm of His hand. He wants me to trust Him that either she will be okay, or that I will be okay with whatever we are given. It's a sobering thought but it really puts Faith to the test.
Harpers parents, Cora's parents, and Audrey's parents were tested. And their God proved faithful. He is faithful. He is just. He is worthy of all glory and honor. Read their blogs and know their stories. They have made my faith stronger. Their children have shown the face of God to the world. They did their jobs well.