Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I'm In.

I have been praying for something for a long time. Like a LONG time. And I have seen no progress whatsoever toward working things out in this particular area. None. Frustrating? Yes.

But recently, I have seen progress. And not just subtle progress - major progress. And I'm at a point where I think I can share with you, albeit jumbled and with an erroneous comma thrown in all willy nilly (I stink at comma usage), what God has been doing. Because in the middle of all of this, He is showing up. Big time. And He deserves total credit.

Which is why I'm going here...aaannnddd breathe.

I am overweight. I'm not just a little fluffy. I'm FAT. Let's not sugar-coat things. My weight issues stem from lots of things - insecurities, past circumstances (vague much?), blah blah blah. And I have prayed and prayed and BEGGED God to take this issue, which happens to be my ISSUE (everyone has issues, and everyone has an ISSUE. This one is mine.) away from me. But I have just stopped there. It never occurred to me that God was answering my prayer by holding it in front of me and telling me to COME GET IT. It never occurred to me that God would have me deal with some stuff on the inside before He would make it clear that I can handle dealing with the stuff on the outside. Have I mentioned that I'm stubborn and hard-headed and can generally make people with lots of common sense bang their heads against a wall? Well I am.

I've always been known as the "Fun Friend." I'm allegedly pretty cool to hang out with. I make people laugh. I have heard "you could be so pretty if you just would lose weight" more times than I care to count. But I hate HATE myself because of my weight. And you know what I do when I start thinking about it? I eat (a Snickers). Which makes me gain weight. And then I hate myself. And then I eat (a Hershey Bar). Then I gain weight. See the spiral? It STINKS. And I have been riding the spiral for way too long now. I realized that I am good at taking care of my spiritual needs. I am great at taking care of the needs of others (ie. husband and kids). I am the worst-person-last-place-number-1-loser at taking care of myself physically. And that makes God sad. Our bodies are supposed to be a temple and mine is a jacked up 7-eleven. I realized that I am actually taking AWAY from the glory that belongs to God by treating this body - that He loves and made specifically for me in order to bring Him glory - so horribly. I am basically sinning by being so overweight. Sit on that one for a minute. It HURTS.

Looking back, I'm seeing some signs (that are as clear as crystal now) that God was moving. First, a brand new gym opened up in my neighborhood and coincidentally (HA!) a bridge was closed on the route that took us to our old gym (that I never went to - excuse after excuse....) making the trip there LONG. Second, the new gym cost less for a COUPLE'S MEMBERSHIP than a single membership at the old gym. Third, Spencer gave me 4 sessions with a personal trainer for Christmas - which was a leap of faith for him knowing that I could accept them happily or claw his eyes out for suggesting that I could use some help (ahhh, female hormones, how funny you are...). But he loves me. A lot. And he wants the best for me. So he did it. And I'm glad he did. Fourth, the trainer who I was assigned to, Beth - and had been praying for - was the.perfect.match. for me. And considering the fact that I'm all insecure and intimidated by gyms, trainers, and anyone wielding a dumbbell, I'd say that was a major God move there. She is awesome. (And she kicked my behind today - I'm pretty shocked that my arm muscles have quit shaking enough for me to type. A thought that makes her laugh and say, "Yesssss!!!" The little punk.)

So. How have I progressed? First, the JUNK that I used to crave is gone. GONE. I have been most amazed by that. Because food has been such a thorn in my side for SO LONG, I just knew that it would be the biggest obstacle that I would have to overcome. I think God knew that, too. Because He has released me from it. And I cannot begin to tell you how much I praise Him for it. Second, I have no idea what I weigh - Beth knows. But for now I don't want to know. I think I will want her to tell me how much I've lost (I weigh every other week) but I don't think the number is something I need to obsess over (have I told you that I tend to obsess over stuff like that, too? Ahem.). Third, I WANT TO EXERCISE. What the junk? Hello old Robyn, meet new Robyn. She is a strange bird according to what you used to know.

So here I am. Totally in. Ready to take this by the horns and wrestle it down. God has been SO FAITHFUL. I'm such a work in progress - aren't we all? - and I need all the help I can get (that means you, Beth :D) on this journey. I'm sure there will be tears (there already have been) and frustrations and good times. There will be successes and failures. I will want to quit, but (again, Beth) I won't. Phil 1:6 says "he who began a good work in you (me) will be faithful to carry it on to completion."

To Him be the glory.

Bring.

It.

On.

45 comments:

beckyjomama said...

SO stink stankin proud of you!

Valerie said...

YOU GO GIRL!! I can so identify with what you are saying!! I went from 148 before my transplant to well let's say A LOT!! (You know - you've seen me IRL.) It bothers the daylights out of me. Hate being overweight, hate not wearing what I want, hate to take pictures! I love how you state that God had it right there for you to take it. It truly sounds like God is making a way for you to be successful! I am taking a Zumba class tonight for the first time and I am so encouraged by your post. Rooting and praying for you!!!

Dori said...

Robin,

I needed to hear this testimony today!! No, listen to me girl...I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TESTIMONY TODAY!!! Understand?

Share on!! I appreciate the encouragement because I'm there and I'm so stinkin' tired of the enemy holding this over my head it isn't even funny.

Blessings,
Dori

Tammy said...

You GO GIRL!

Michelle V said...

YAY you! I'm so proud of you! And a tad jealous. I'm still at the... hating myself for being fat stage, but not at the...doing something about it stage. I'm very excited for you!!! =)

Blessings
Michelle V

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Robyn, I love the bravery and authenticity on display in this post. You go get it, girl. We will be cheering you on every step of the way.

Mocha with Linda said...

Woohoo! You are rocking that boat!

Mandi @ It'scome2this said...

That's awesome Robyn! I can totally relate to all your feelings. Just this past Sunday, our Pastor reminded us that "Christ DIED with his body ... and what am I doing (or not doing) to glorify Him with mine". It's not how he intended us to treat our bodies. That's awesome! Sounds like you've done a complete turn around. Are you linking up with the #losingit10 challenge? It's hosted by www.givinguponperfect.com. You should if you're not already ... sounds like you could bring some good encouragement!! Congrats!

HisTreasuredPossession said...

sooo awesome, Robyn! I love this honest testimony and you for sharing your heart! Can't wait to hear how much MORE He shows up for you! EXCITING!!
love,
rachel

Cheryl said...

You have inspired, encouraged and convicted me.
thanks for the honesty!

zellner said...

Robyn, I am so excited for you and so encouraged by your vulnerability. In our weakness, He is strong and He will get the glory for this wonderful work in your heart. I am fighting the very same battle right now :) My motivation has been since my pastor was preaching about heaven and mentioned the thought,"What will our bodies look like without sin?" I wondered what mine would look like without sin. The thought still amazes me that my sin has done so much damage to this body that He has given me. Praying for you and can't wait to hear how it is going!
Susan

GratefulinGA said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! you are my hero AND you are so speaking to me girl! must ask, are you secretly reading my journals?? This is my deepest lifetime struggle and i am nearly in a panic over lately.

i am so thrilled for you and yes to God be all the glory!

Praying and Believing God for you and me too sweet siesta
love you to pieces girl,
your inga

Fran said...

With big ole crocodile tears in my eyes...I WILL BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!!!!!!!

I am beyond proud of you. More importantly, Jesus is thrilled over you and these steps forward. Ok, He might be your biggest fan, but I'm your biggest earthly fan! ;)

You are a rock star. And I just love you to pieces. I'm here any time you need to call or text or vent or whatever.

BRING IT!!!

Rhonda said...

Judging by the comments you spoke to (and for) many of us. Though we have never met, I am so proud of you for stepping out and grapping onto God with one hand and a weight with the other! Awesome! Jacked up 7-11 still making me laugh.

Holly said...

You know what? He's been doing the same thing in me! And so far? So far, a day at a time, I have lost 22 pounds.

I'm in it with you sister!!

So proud of you and thankful for your words. Praying for you, as you walk ahead.

Love,
Holly

Lora Lynn @ Vitafamiliae said...

Yay, God!!! And yay, YOU!!!

Teri~Facedown said...

I can't tell you how much the self-hate thing resonated with me. Robyn, thank you for sharing this, and thanks for being vulnerable out here on the world wide web. Your story is touching people. It has definitely caused me to think about things...and want to implement changes in my life too. I might not love to exercise, but I have to love my man and kids enough to just do it. The deserve God's best...they deserve a wife/mom who is not tired all of the time. Thank you precious and beautiful Robyn. I appreciate your heart so much.

Love you,
Teri

(P.S. I went out and purchased some running shorts today. I am going to become a runner. Period.)

connorcolesmom said...

I am so excited for you!!!
You can do it!!!
Much love
Kim

Melinda said...

GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!!!

I couldn't BE more proud of you! You run that thing DOWN and let His glory blind us from inside that GLORIOUS TEMPLE that sports your beautiful face!

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!
XO Melinda

theprofessionalpalate said...

Awesome for you! Will keep you in my prayers. Keep it up!

Georgia Jan said...

Robyn: What an amazing post - I can sense the HOPE! I am so proud of you I can hardly stand it. Can't wait to see you and HUG your neck in April! You are coming to the "So Long Insecurity" Conference aren't you? After this post, it sounds like you be leading a session!!! Bless you sweet girl - I LOVE YOU!

G.J.

willblogforshoes said...

"Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth"
-- Casting Crowns "The Voice of Truth"


This song's been getting me through some stuff lately. While listening to it last night, I thought of you. I'm sure you know the words to the song a million times over, but put it in your workout playlist & know that when I hear it (which is SEVERAL times a day-- I got some "ishas") that I'm praying for you!

Love you girl!

ben m said...

I'm proud of you cousin! Women and weight is always a touchy subject... especially at my house. Spencer has some brass ones! I dont know if I could ever get Jessica a gift such as that.

Just to let you know... I have always thought you were pretty, inside and out.

I'm glad to see that you are at a place talk about this issue. Weight and depression, I think, are two issues that women don't talk enough about amongst themselves. Keep it up!

Lindsey said...

LOVE THIS! So excited for you. I'm working through something similar right now. So great to see God moving. Praying for you!

Lindsee said...

Robyn, you are a precious, precious treasure. I absolutely cannot wait to hug your neck in April! You are so right, we all have our "thing" and most times I think that if people knew my "thing" they'd disown me. Not really, tons of them know it and love me even better, but it's scary to wrestle the things. Probably the hardest thing to do! I'm so proud of you, sister. Can't wait to read about your journey and celebrate with you!

Adam (the brother) said...

I LOVE MY SISTER!

Jessica (the cousin-n-nlaw) said...

I'm in the same boat hun and working on it ALL hard here too right along with you! Praying for you!!!! God is GOOD!!!

Karen said...

Robyn,

I love you so much and I am so proud of you for your transparency and allowing others to see the work God is doing in this area of your life.

Isn't it amazing when we place our focus on Him (yes, even in the area of overeating), He who began a good work in us, can then heal us and transform us. Then He takes that area/circumstance and has you use it as part of your ministry...all for His honor and His glory. Praising Him with you.

Cannot wait to see you in Atlanta!!

Love you,
Karen

Little Steps Of Faith said...

Girl- I didn't know what I would be reading coming here.(I ADMIT ITS MY FIRST TIME!)
but wow, I love how genuine you are and just real. And what I love about this, is even though you were blogging it, I felt like I was reading a conversation you are still having with God and I got to see:)
I love how He does that:)
Some words that I prayed that were confirmed for me today, but maybe you could use to help you too:)

" Lord, help me do what I need to do, to be who I need to be."

Amen.

Hope you have a fab day!

ang

Phyllis said...

Thank you so much for sharing how God is working in your life! He will be glorified in you, and I'm excited for you.

Pat said...

YOU are absolutely too precious for words!!!
I love you and am so proud of you, not because of weight but because of TRUTH!!
xoxo
Pat

ForHisGlory said...

I'm so excited!!
Tiffany

Rhonda said...

Hope you have an awesome workout week! Don't quit!!

Chigger Hill Cottage said...

You have made me look at things a little differently, and I have truly been inspired. Thank you for sharing your story.

Melanie said...

By the way, I have ALWAYS been jealous of how beautiful you are!! ;o)...I struggle w/ weight/image stuff too...it sucks. Anyhoo--I'll be praying for your stamina & endurance & stick-to-it-iveness...Love you!
M

Ashley Gregory said...

Proud of you for being real! Good luck with your journey! Hugs to you!

Carrie Cooper said...

Carrie @ comfortedbyGod.blogspot.com

Robyn--
I stumbled across your blog and discovered a delightfully honest and REAL writer! I can tell from the number of comments that your post has struck a chord with readers.

About five years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic debilitating disease, which has forever changed my life. One thing Ive learned is that God often allows challenges and struggles so we turn to Him, rather than fly solo. I truly hope your weight battle will actually draw you closer to Him.

jstew51576 said...

Robyn, thanks for this post. God has been dealing with me with my procrastination, and this is one of my deep down issues behind my weight. The other thing is that He has shown me my habit of stress eating. My kids act crazy and I pack them up in the car and head to the Panera (or Taco Bell, or McDonald's) drive through, instead of going to Him about it. (I'm starting to tear up while typing this.) He's also brought me a wonderful friend, who is skinny, but I forgive her, who is sticking by me and not eating snacks or desserts when others are, just to stand by me. Awesome. He gives us the tools we need when we're ready for them, doesn't He. Oh, and I'm Jessica, Tammy's niece. (Tammy as in Grateful in GA, Tammy.) Love her!

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

I love you darlin' girl...I'm late seeing this but I couldn't be more proud of your resolve. Can I borrow some of it? :)

Melanie said...

You can do it! I look forward to hearing about the wonderful way God will continue to work in your life!

May God Bless!
Melanie
~ melscoffeebreak.blogspot.com ~

Stephani said...

So, as I sit eating Oreos, I was moved to push them away. I loved this entry. Sometimes God can be so subtle, yet soooo in our face. I love that about him. Good for you for for not only being discenring but for facing the challenge head on!
I am glad I found your blog, I'll be back!
Steph
www.heartpondering.blogspot.com

ExtraordinaryMommy said...

Ohhh- I so understand. And I'm so proud of you...so thrilled for you. How exciting to see the progress. After I had Delaney, my husband got me a trainer for Christmas - but you know what? I needed it. It was just what I needed then. And she stuck with me during my whole pregnancy with Coop.

But now I am starting over again - having let EVERYTHING in life take precedence over my health. But no more. I'm off and running.

xoxo

Misti said...

You can do it! I recently joined you on the journey to a healthier life. I even started a new blog to document my journey: www.babygotfat.blogspot.com

God can absolutely take the desires for junk food out of our lives.

Aimee said...

We've had Spring Break this week, so I'm just now checking emails and blogs.

WOW! Congratulations!

You are where I want to be. Please post more about what's been going on and what you're doing.

Sheryl said...

Fantastic! God is teaching me something things on why I overeat. Love HIM for loving me FIRST.

Sheryl