Raising Girls
The Discovery Years - Girls 0-5 Years
- She
is…
- Relational
- Caretaking
- Baby
dolls, mothering instinct
- Imaginative
- She
needs from me…
- Boundaries
- These
makes her feel safe
- Freedom
- Show
her that you trust her by giving her some distance from you – like in a
Chick-fil-A playground – but always stay near as she will constantly
look for you and needs to be able to see you at a moment’s notice
- Delight
- She
wants you to think she’s FANTASTIC
- When
she walks in the room, she is WORTHY of my attention.
The Adventurous Years – Girls 6-10 years
- She
is…
- Fearful
- Literal,
concrete in their thinking
- Teach
her that God is BIGGER than her fears
- Do
not be grey – speak in black/white language only. (i.e. don’t shine a
light under the bed to scare away the monsters. Teach her that there is
no such thing as monsters. And then teach her that God will always take
care of her)
- Relational
- Friendships
are IMPORTANT
- Responsive
- Point
this out to her when you catch her caring for a friend, being sweet to a
sibling, etc. She needs to know that you notice.
- She
needs from me…
- Opportunity
- They
need something they can feel confident in (soccer, softball, art, piano,
choir, chess…)
- Unity
- Especially
between mom & dad
- Grace
- Teach
her how to succeed AND fail.
The Narcissistic Years – Girls 11-15, 16, or 17 Years
- She
is…
- Relational
- She
needs friends.
- They
are a POWERFUL force in her life. Help her choose them wisely and steer
her away from bad influences. We still control where they go and who
they hang out with outside of school.
- Insecure
- When
guys fail, they blame others. When girls fail, they blame themselves.
- Ambivalent
- Her
lack of decision-making skills is NORMAL.
- She
will switch from loving you & hating you in a matter of seconds.
- As
grown up girls, we will blame ourselves for this behavior. This is NOT
our fault. Her brain is malfunctioning, and is a normal part of growing
up. Love her through it – she will realize that she can count on you
even when she isn’t nice to you.
- She
needs from me…
- Space
- PRIVACY
- She’s
working very hard to make and keep friends.
- She
needs time to decompress
- Allow
her an hour or so in her room alone after school.
- Then
require her to come out and be social with the family.
- It
is not good for her to never have privacy. It is also not good for her
to not be required to emerge and be social.
- Strength
- She
needs me to be stronger & more powerful than she is.
- If
she feels stronger than me, she will feel unsafe.
- She
needs me to be her mother. NOT her friend.
- We
want her to be excited about the day when we can be friends (not till
after age 23ish)
- The
Back Door – Sissy wrote a book about this. The Back Door To Your
Teen’s Heart: Learning What They Need And Helping Them Find It -
Can find it on Amazon.com
- I
need to be unpredictable in the way I communicate with her. If she
thinks I’m looking for info from her, she will shut down. (i.e. have a
friend pick up siblings from school one day. Take her, alone, to “run a
few fun errands.” Stop by Starbucks (which she will think is cool) &
just chitchat. She will tell you so much during this time because she
won’t feel like she is required to.)
The Autonomous Years – Girls
16-24 Years
§ She
is…
o Relational
§ She
will gravitate to 1 friend – often a guy. She wants to belong to somebody.
§ This
is where some girls experiment with homosexuality. When they gravitate to a
GIRL, who shows a special interest in them – some of them mistake this for
love.
§ SHE
NEEDS STRONG VOICES SPEAKING TRUTH INTO HER LIFE. This needs to be another
adult. Not you. Youth groups / small groups are KEY here. She will listen to
what she hears. We need to make sure the right people are talking. It’s key
that when they are children we steer them toward friends who have parents who
raise their children like we do.
o Post-pubescent
§ Her
body will be curvier
§ EMBRACE
THAT. No girl has ever heard her mom say, “You need to lose weight” and has
thought, “she’s right. I’ll get right on that.” This is where a lot of eating
disorders start – when their mother tells them constantly that their body is
wrong or should be changed.
o Her
own person
§ She
needs from me…
o Respect
o Room
to learn
§ Give
her a few more privileges. We want them to make mistakes while they are under
our roof where we can protect them, instead of sheltering them and then sending
them off to college where we can’t protect them when (not if) they make
mistakes.
o Wings
§ Be
CONFIDENT in her.
