Thursday, June 18, 2009

We Interrupt This Bloggy Break For A Bit Of Real Estate News

I think I want to sell my house. Like for a dollar.

Let me tell you why.

Last night, I was up WAY too late (thank you, prescription decongestant, for keeping me awake until 2:14 even though the doctor said you wouldn't) and decided to iron Spencer's shirt for work today. I walked into my dining room where the ironing board is set up (hush, don't judge me - yes, I keep the ironing board set up most of the time) and turned on the light.

There was a massive, people-eating, disgusting, HUGE, roach on my wall.

Sidenote: roaches in Alabama are common. We have a lot of trees in my back yard and pay a pest control company religiously to spray for them so they stay out of the house. Occasionally one gets in but usually meets a quick demise thanks to said pest control company. This one, however, was alive and kicking. Y'all, he was so big that I could hear him run. **Shudder.**


I did what any self-respecting girl would do, which was call my husband in to get it. He came in wielding a flip flop and started banging and swatting the quick little fella, who promptly ran under the china cabinet.


So we (and by "we" I mean "Spencer" - I was on a chair) pulled out the big guns - which was the ant & roach spray - and started spraying everything in sight. We were both coughing and hacking from breathing roach spray fumes when we saw a little wiggle down near the bottom of the china cabinet. So Spencer starts wailing on the wiggle with the flip flop, flash light, and roach spray can. He sprays so much roach spray on the wiggling thing that it's now swimming. Please remember, it's 2 AM and "we're" beating the floor so hard that I'm surprised the girls didn't wake up.

When "we're" sure the stupid bug has met it's maker, Spencer leans in for a closer look. The little "wiggle" wasn't the roach.

It was a scorpion.

And guess what? Roach spray doesn't kill a scorpion. It just ticks it off.

So here's the scenario. 2 AM, floor covered in roach spray, big brave husband in his underwear battling a roach and NOW a scorpion, chicken wife standing on a chair, roach's whereabouts unknown, TICKED OFF scorpion's whereabouts known, and the battle begins again.

Spencer decided that the flip flop wasn't the appropriate tool for scorpion killing, so he resorted to the bedroom slipper tool and soon made mush of the scorpion. One down, one to go.

Roach with unknown whereabouts soon reared his ugly head and ran into the laundry room. I had a broom and the can of roach spray and was spraying and beating the roach. Meanwhile, Spencer is laughing and making fun of me for, and I quote, "hitting the roach like a sissy." Stupid roach ran under the washing machine, but was COVERED in roach spray, so we just knew he would take his final breath there.


Just like a horror movie, the roach ran out from under the washing machine where Spencer hit it with the flashlight. And the little thing KEPT GOING. So Spencer reached for the bedroom slipper and ended the whole thing.

And you can understand why I didn't get much sleep last night. It's either me, or the roaches and scorpions.

And I don't go down without a fight.

Albeit, a fight while standing on a chair.


Gina said...

I feel your scorpion pain. One morning my husband was in the shower before work when he screamed. I thought he had slipped in the shower. But no, he had been bitten (or stung, whichever) by a scorpion. We were all ready to head out to the ER for some kind of anti-venom until we read (thank you world-wide web!) that it was probably not poisonous. Thankfully, he did not lose a foot!

Fran said...


I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Traci said...

I'm so glad you came back from bloggy break!! That was hilarous! You know, you should call Vicki Courtney next time you are up at 2am. I hear she is up battling racoons :-).

We had lots of scorpions when we lived near Atlanta. Not fun..glad you got him/her.

connorcolesmom said...

AAHHH!!! I hate roaches!
It is funny that happened last night b/c we were out trying to catch lightening bugs with Cole when Craig reached for a big one and then realized it was a roach not a lightening bug!
I screamed!
Thank goodness it was outside though!!
So glad you were ok up in that chair - which is exactly where I would have been girl - no worries
Love you tons!

KK said...

I've been known to suck up bugs with a vaccuum cleaner and save them for someone bigger. Or spray the heck out of them with hairspray freezing them to the wall!

PaulaW said...

Also in Alabama, also in the woods, I totally get everything you're saying. The scorpions were rampant around here for a long time and I kept the stopper in the bathtub ALL the time (except to let out bathwater of course, but as soon as the tub was empty the stopper went right back in!) But when I got married and said man moved in he never remembered to put the stopper back in. Until he got stung on the foot one morning in the shower and that jogged his memory real good. Thankfully the scorpions havent been around for a while (and neither has the (now ex) husband!)

As for roaches - we battled with them ferociously until Winter Storm 93. No power for a week with near zero temps got rid of all the little buggers and we havent seen one since.


RR Mama said...

OK totally freaked out...twitching...
It brings back bad memories of when we were remodeling at work and one flew out from the just demolished wall and landed right on my leg! Twitching just thinking about it!

Melinda said...

Ahhh...creatures in the house. Reminds me of the time a bird somehow ended up INSIDE the wall of our bathroom and my husband had to take off the wainscoting to free said bird. Once free, however, the bird flew into every window, mirror and piece of furniture, scattering his lice-ridden feathers ALL OVER and missing the OPEN DOOR to the outside completely! I know it was a bird, but it really grossed me out.

Praying that your indoor wild-life will, from now on, be made up only of three little girls.

Sue Graber said...

What drama -- too bad you don't have a video clip of the whole thing....much funnier than what's on the Late Night Shows!! Glad you didn't have to experience that alone!!

Stacey said...

I still claim that it was a roach that sent me in to labor with Sara. Too miserable to sleep I settled onto the couch with an irritated resolve. Without my glasses I wondered what that dark spot on the wall was. Just as I moved it dropped where my face would have been. That did it. That just totally sent me over the slippery mad-as-you-know-where edge!! Contractions didn't start until a few hours later but I still tell the story with the roach included. =D

I'm glad you killed both of those critters. And thanks for the picture in my head of the 2 AM showdown!

Holly said... I'd sell the house.

Alene said...

Yep girl - it's time to sell! Urgh I can't stand those creepy things.

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

I've always heard it said that roaches will be the only thing able to survive a nuclear war.

And I know that makes you feel much better. :)

YOu are flat out hysterical..:)

Mary said...

Girl I am so stinkin' far behind on my blog reading and this just made my night! Oh my word -- how funny are you!

I love your roach/ scorpion story! We have both on occasion and I'll go with the scorpion any day of the week. That little guy will square off with you and fling that stinger tail. Mr. Roach just scurries and when you can hear him, oh my! I've broken brooms trying to take them out.

Glad to hear all survived to fight another day!

Lauren Delaine said...

Dear Robyn,

Nice to meet you.

I found you in the comments section at Boo Mama.

And how happy I am! This is stinkin' hilarious!

We have much in common. I have three girls, too. Arent' girls great? Can't wait to read more here about yours.

Also, I used the word *SHUDDER* in my comment on Boo's post tonight.

I KNOW. TONS in common.

I'm thinking the humor is another thing in common. ;D

Also, we clearly share laundry tendencies, which is what I happened to post about tonight dedicated to Boo Mama and her question in her previous post about laundry.

I like details, too. Can we be friends?

Stop by and visit. Meet my girls (including one bossy little toddler), my future (first) grandson and my man.

Oh yea. And ME!

Many blessings,

Rena Gunther

Gayle @ thewestiecrew said...

HAAAAA!! Robyn, THAT is a funny story, girl!!
Glad everyone with several legs has met its demise. Stupid decongestant. :D

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Miriam said...

I just found you through twitter.

ROFL!!! Totally sounds like something that would happen here :P